Eliminate limiting proven fact that you either own it or you do not.
The thought of cultivating confidence sometimes gets a bad rap, since it often implies that we have to “fake it ’til we make it” (and for the majority of us that doesn’t ring true) or that being confident equals never being nervous again (which can be incorrect or remotely human).
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Those are two of the myths we are able to be tempted to get into. After dealing with many accomplished women, I’d say they are the other top three that I’d also prefer to bust.
You will need a lot more than an inspirational Instagram quote. They’re great and I’m a fan but confidence is a feeling , right? You are feeling in the human brain and body. So, to essentially feel and project a confident presence, you will need both your brain and body working together. If your shoulders are clenched from stress, low self-esteem or from hunching over a computer, your brain will feel clenched and you’ll have small and low energy, rendering it tough to hang to a motivational quote.
However, if the body is aligned in a manner that you can breathe easier and you unstick long-held stress, you’ll release “feel-good hormones” like dopamine and oxytocin to the human brain letting it understand that all is good. Rather than restricted and small, the human brain will be exposed to creative possibilities and you could feel the motivation, inspiration and strategy in both mind and body which doubles the energy.
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I was dealing with a client last week and she said, “I would like to promote myself but I don’t desire to be like among those bragging loudmouths.” True, none folks really wants to be that. But, for a number of us that’s how our brains have subconsciously categorized confidence through the years.
But, we realize it certainly isn’t one or the other. We realize that there’s a complete, big, wide, area between being loud, abrasive and non-collaborative and being truly a quiet wallflower. Even though we, as smart women, know this logically we’ve had years of subtle and not-so-subtle conditioning telling us otherwise that people have to consciously drop (e.g. be quiet, don’t step on toes, who do you consider you are).
It’s not about extremes. You will be an introvert and confident. You will be quiet and powerful. When I teach yoga, I could have students make one tiny, almost imperceptible, shift within their body and the complete pose (and the complete feeling) becomes instantly stronger. Subtle doesn’t mean not powerful.
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That’s where I start to see the perfectionist side of ambitious women get the very best of them. They state things like “I understand. I really ought to be better as of this. I don’t know why I’m not.” And they check out give themselves an extremely, very difficult time.
Sure, some individuals seem naturally confident if they lead their team, pitch their ideas or make a speech. However they learned that skill. Maybe they learned at a younger age and it’s natural now however the thing is they learned it. And you may to.
You wouldn’t be prepared to step on a tennis court and play just like a pro. You would need to practice. Exactly like other skills, presenting and public speaking, communicating with clarity and focusing on how to utilize your power are practice. The more you practice, the better you reach it. There are always a multitude of methods for you to do it.
You can figure out how to:
- breathe better and that means you speak from your own center and project your voice calmly
- hold the body with presence (and, no, it doesn’t have to become a power stance)
- meditate (in a manner that clicks for you personally) that gets you focused and calm
- support yourself physically and energetically
- practice and refine your pitch (with a person who isn’t your friend, family or colleague) until it’s second nature for you
Eliminate limiting proven fact that you either own it or you don’t. And in addition, please stop beating yourself up if it’s not at the particular level you want yet. You completely, completely be capable of change it out.
(By Pam Reece. Reece is a coach and expert on physical and